Hungry for the Real Thing

Something I have noticed about Cambodian young people over the last year, especially through observing the day-to-day activities of Mr. Virak, who runs DOVE’s drop in center, is that many young people are just craving authenticity. Mr. Virak is authentic. He sacrifices his blood, sweat and tears to pour every bit of what he has into Cambodian teenagers. And what he pours in is good, and real. These Cambodian teenagers intrinsically know what is authentic because it is exactly what they are looking for, even though at their age they tend to look in all the wrong places first.  But, they will never be the same because they will always carry of a piece of Mr. Virak around with them for the rest of their lives. There is still plenty of trauma to go around in Cambodia, and hopefully some authentic mentoring, personal attention, and love, from that rare authentic mature male will balance the scales here and there.

I have been leading a small group now for close to 4 years, made up of young men from ages 17 to 38. Some men come once or twice, and then don’t return, as the transparency is just too much for them. A big part of the Cambodia culture psyche socializes one into creating and maintaining an impenetrable façade, sort of in the same way those in the west intentionally develop a particular image so as to be perceived in a certain way. It’s the same ego problem, but a different function and emphasis. The men who don’t stick around, fear exposing not just the hidden parts of their selves to others, but primarily to themselves. For those who come regularly and have become used to transparency, have found authenticity among the group. I have plowed some hard-packed fields over the last few years, over language barriers and through concepts that pushed them passed their traditional way of learning. It was not easy for either of us, but they hung in because they all experienced some transformation.

Last week I invited Mr. Mony, Director of Peace Bridges to come share with the men. Mony is almost 40, and speaks fluent English. He is a man’s man, a contemporary prophet, and has a naturally built in, and very accurate BS meter that he uses often. He has been marginalized by some Church Leaders because he can see right through their religiosity, politics, posturing, nepotism, and their self-proclaimed expertise in preaching and teaching.  And he calls them on it.  What I immediately noticed with our group of men is that they had Mony pegged as a rarity right away. They knew right off that he was authentic.  Mony may have an accurate BS meter, but our men have very accurate authenticity meters. He didn’t come to put another notch in his belt, or to hear himself speak, or to get more exposure with a wider audience, he came because he wanted to know what these men were about, these young men who met from week to week and confessed their character defects to each other.  He had no lesson, and began by asking them what exactly it was that they get from men’s group. He gave them something Christian young people are rarely given – a voice.  He did something older men rarely do with young men - he listened.

 

After hearing what our men’s group was about, Mony spoke on identity, and told some of his own story. The young men bonded to him immediately because they knew intrinsically that they had found someone who was what they appeared to be.  They had me of course, but I know as a foreigner, there is nothing quite like having a wise mature man of their own ethnicity and culture available to model their lives after.

It is becoming rather obvious to me that young men are so hungry for older, authentic Christian male role models who have not bought into the so prevalent form of domesticated Christianity. They don’t need more teaching, more lessons, or more Bible studies. They need wise mature adult men of action of whom they can model their faith after. Unfortunately such men are few and far between.  And that is part about what DOVE is all about - fostering the development of such men for the emotional and spiritual health of the next generation of Cambodian Christians.